The past three hours can only be adequately described by the word SIGH. Thinking that I was taking a step towards improving my relationship with God, no this is not a long preachy thing so please stay with me, I agreed to sit through a session thingy with a very Christian Mrs. In-Law and a very reluctant Neptune. THINKING that maybe for once, I could make an effort to step into someone else's shoes and see what all this spiritual fuss is about. And of course, it turned out to be very... sigh.
The sharing session was led by a heterosexual couple (why I am highlighting the heterosexual part will become evident later), and it was interesting because they had a different take on the religion from most that I've heard. In many ways it felt like a lecture in literature class, and for the most part I enjoyed it because of the different perspectives on the same ol' concepts. No wonder we have the Catholics and the Protestants and the whatever else, and all think the others got it wrong. I totally get that part, and I totally respect whatever anyone makes of whatever, actually I don't give a flying hamster's arse about religious beliefs. More often than not it's a starting point for conflict, so I am totally chill about it. TOTALLY CHILL. You can worship a cow and I respect that, as long as nobody goes and tells me I can't worship mine medium rare with sauce on the side.
The focal point of the session was essentially that a belief in God is enough to get you an eternal afterlife, as long as that faith is evidenced by your deeds because on Judgment Day God will be all, "Behold! Let Mine own eyes peer into this book and decide what reward or punishment you deserve because everything you have ever done has been listed here!" Okay. So at this point I was very gleeful and happy with myself because I was all, OMG I BELIEVE! But what if I am the first lesbian to enter heaven, right? AND THEN we get to the last part, and the last part seems to always be about condemnation and revelations or something. The only revelation for me, though, arrived when the female half of the heterosexual couple went on to preach that God gives up on people who insist on pursuing sin, such as idolatry and YES YOU GUESSED IT, homosexuality. She was all, "YES, HOMOSEXUALITY IS WRONG! God has given up on people like that."
And I realised in that moment that God had probably just punished me by making me sit through three hours of this thingy thinking that MAYBE I had a shot at heaven when actually? ACTUALLY? NO CHANCE AT ALL. God has abadoned me to begin with right from the start. I'm damned forever. So I looked at Neptune and said, "God has given up on us!" and I was very sad. I find it very difficult to wrap my head around exactly why I deserve to go straight to hell when all I've done is fall in love with another person.
Neptune spent yesterday afternoon with her family, BUT. Because we are needy and co-dependent and clingy, Neptune and I got BWTMIF to drive me over to mall they were at just so we could "bump into each other by chance" -- The In-Laws don't know about our relationship. Later, we left the mall separately at the same time and I was thinking to myself at the carpark, why, that really looks like Mr. In-Law, and suddenly I spotted someone waving and heard Mrs. In-Law exclaim, "EH!??!!?" It so happened that BWTMIF had parked the car opposite Neptune's family's, so we got to see each other once more before BWTMIF drove us back to school. WHICH MADE ME SO HAPPY!
There are blisters on my toes right now because I stupidly thought that I could navigate a mall for more than eight hours in the loveliest pair of red heels ever. I cheated by spending two hours seated at lunch and three at a movie, and still I have blisters. Neptune kept asking me if I was okay, and, grimacing, I answered feebly that I was. I tried holding her hand and it helped until one second later, when she yelped in pain because I was grabbing her fingers too tightly. You know those shows where the pregnant woman is in labor and she's holding her husband's hand, her husband who is watching on anxiously? DOES NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE. Anyone who has ever held another person's hand while being in extreme pain knows that that other person? HE SHOULD BE IN PAIN TOO.
Neptune has rebuked me for doing this to myself, but she is one head taller than I am and she does not understand. SHE DOES NOT GET IT. People, I am TWO inches away from being an official midget, if I have a pair of shoes which can triple that figure God help me I WILL WEAR IT, even if it gives me the most painful blisters imaginable, just so I can breathe the air at an altitude 6 inches higher than normal.
This evening we were supposed to have dinner at an expensive Italian restaurant to celebrate our one-year-four-monthiversary in advance, since Neptune is flying off two days before it (Say it with me: NEEDY! CO-DEPENDENT! CLINGY!), but because my feet were hurting too much, we decided to call it off and buy hamsters instead. Well no, it didn't exactly happen that way. It was more like: "Oh shit, I forgot to make a booking at the restaurant." "It's alright babe, let's eat somewhere cheaper?" "I want KFC!" And then we entered the pet shop and "OMG LET'S BUY HAMSTERS."
So I got two hamsters!
They are both five-week females, named Maki and Mochi. Evidently Neptune and I love Japanese food. Other names seriously considered were: Ham and Cheese; Yummy and Yummier; Mario and Luigi. Pictures to come soon. Meanwhile, feast your eyes upon my top secret project!
Nothing very fascinating happening these days. I just finished using my hair iron (which goes up to twice the boiling point of water) on the sunflower Neptune gave me in an attempt to speed up the drying process. Needless to say it was a tragic failure. Can you spell S-A-D in one nanosecond? Took me that amount of time to realise that sunflowers smell really bad when they're toasted. Altogether now: CANNOT IRON SUNFLOWERS.
On Saturday night, Neptune and I tried to party at a lesbian bar. It was the first time going to a gay bar for both of us because the clubbing scene is really not our sort of thing, we would rather stay in and cuddle. My main motivation, though, was to find a public place where I could hold her hand and hug her without fearing that some psychotic homophobe might try to murder us, and what better place to be than with the rest of the people Psychotic Homophobe (PH) would want to kill? PH might stalk us and go mad when I flirt with Neptune, BUT THEN in the background he might spot some other same-sex couple making out and he'd decide to target them instead. You never know.
So, that night, we set off with three addresses (just to be safe) and went along to check out the first lesbian bar. This one was supposed to be on the top floor of a quaint four-storey building, only when we reached the place, it was really more haunted than quaint. The first three floors were completely dark, and Neptune and I shat our pants while we climbed three floors to the top. AND THEN. We got the shock of our lives when we saw a man -- This particular bar is supposed to be all-women, owned by women. After a three-minute drink (Neptune watched as I gulped a cosmo in ten seconds flat (kids, alcohol KILLS YOUR LIVER! and then you'll have to go buy a new liver, only Singapore doesn't allow you to buy organs so then you'll be thrown in jail, and eventually die from the lack of a functioning liver, so the moral of the story is, alcohol is bad -- or emigrate to some less motherly place which doesn't nag about organ trading)
Anyway. We eventually realised that the lesbian bar was finito, had closed down and been turned into some other bar with no one else in it on a Saturday night except for a man-cashier and a lady who took too long to make me a cosmo. Luckily, I had the foresight (and much prior experience) to anticipate that we would fail miserably in our quest, because it is so our style. Because THIS IS HOW WE ROLL. It's like how Neptune and I are always armed with hand-sketched maps and directions to wherever we want to go, and then we take public transport or walk or whatever, but 9 out of 10 times, we end up lost and then take a cab to our destination instead. This is the essence of Epic Failure. Because we are awesome that way.
So, because I KNEW our night wouldn't go smoothly, I'd brought along two other addresses as well. The problem was, I realised that we didn't know how to get to one of the destinations without taking a taxi, which we were trying to avoid because oh, do you hear those wallets screaming in the background? It is a cry of emptiness. Thus Neptune and I proceeded to our only other alternative. We decided to walk past the bar first to check it out without entering. And was that a great idea because it was practically empty, and that was so not our kind of crowd. If you get what I mean.
To recapitulate: The first lesbian bar we went to was no longer in operation, and the second one we tried was practically empty. And the third one? Was mentioned in passing by a friend of Neptune's who refuses to talk about her sexual orientation. Neptune looked up the address on the internet using her phone, and then we went over. And guess what? It was FULL OF GUYS. Holding hands and kissing. Lesbian bar much!? So we had a drink, danced (this part was fun), and left. A very uneventful night except for the romantic dinner we'd had at a quaint, unhaunted French restaurant with the best steak ever.
My Top Secret Project is still under construction BUT WILL BE UNVEILED SOON! :D
***
Yesterday evening, I realised just how deeply resentful I am towards Singapore. It happened when I tried to get on the rush hour train, which was a bad idea; I don't know why I didn't just stab toothpicks into my feet and run home that way instead. It would certainly have been less painful, and would have smelt ten times as great. Unfortunately, I did get on the train, which brings me to a very long and tired story about body odor, lack of oxygen and painful feet. I hate being short because my nose tends to arrive at VERY UNDESIRABLE AREAS, especially when people raise their arms to reach for the hand bar. I always hold my breath until I'm about to pass out, then I take a quick reluctant whiff and then try not to pass out again. AND PEOPLE ALWAYS STEP ON ME. Because they don't notice me, or something! I hatehatehate being short!
Also, when I get to a certain point along the train route, people of a certain race start to fill the train, and they ALL SMELL BAD. I am not going to name the race because the government is obviously going to put me behind bars for being racist, but in my experience, they just smell the worst. I don't know why, but when they perspire, it smells like rotting meat and buzzing flies. Most of the people I encounter who have body odor tend to be of this ethnicity. Am I just super unlucky to meet all the smelly people of this race!? And if so... WHY!?!???!?! :(
So then I finally reached my destination and wanted to get off the train, ONLY I CAN'T, and do you know why? Because people are pushing their way in. People with an IQ of maybe negative ten gazillion because there are arrows painted on the platform outside the door indicating where they should stand and wait for people like me to get off before they get on. It is logic. LOGIC, I SAY. Let me break it down. People get off = Space = You can get in. People don't get off = No space = YOU CANNOT GET IN. Is this concept very challenging? Is it really necessary to push and elbow your way into the train before people get out?
And finally, why this fills me with resentment towards Singapore: Because in my city in the U.S., this is a NON-ISSUE. People wait for others to alight before they board the bus, they wait to make sure no one else wants to get off, wait for the pregnant and handicapped and young'uns and old'uns and doggie'uns to get on before they board. And, with the exception of the odd homeless person, THEY ALL SMELL GOOD. My city has a peculiar smell that I will never forget. It always smells like spring, and flowers, and happy things. Singapore smells like gas and smoke and ugly people.
I can't believe it's the second week of school. This morning I was wondering which day it was and I saw that it was Tuesday, that I was done with only 35% of the week, and I tried to tell BWTMIF but I ended up crying. She then laughed at me, and her friend laughed at her, which made me laugh while crying. Who needs chocolate when you have friends like these? Sophomore year is going to be a blast.
Yesterday, Neptune caught Probably Lesbian staring in our direction. Some of you might think that I make this all up to feel better about myself, and I completely understand because I also think that I am projecting, that my ego is filling my head with hallucinations. BUT NO. It is unfortunate. Neptune freaked out and tugged at my sleeve; when I turned to look at her STAAAARING at us, I also started to freak out and planned my escape route out of the lecture theatre. Probably Lesbian has the creepiest eyes, and it doesn't help that she puts on the tacky blue eyeshadow and too much blusher. With her long messy black hair, she looks very much like a ghost from the '80s. Why can't I have a prettier secret admirer?!?!
Yes I have been smuggling Neptune into my lectures, and this is why I love her so much: When we were gossiping about Best Fwen, she suddenly hit her limits, could not take the skankiness of the conversation topic, and exploded with a "SHE'S SUCH A SLUT!" to the entire lecture theatre. Not classy at all, I'll be the first to admit, but GOD DOES IT FEEL SO GOOD, it would go so well with fries and chocolate ice cream with chocolate on top.
Lastly, I've been working on a secret project. This is something I have wanted to do since I was a little kid; it is on my Secret Ambition List right next to being a spy and working as a veterinarian and peeing in Best Fwen's waterbottle. But then I grew up, SORT OF, and life and all its stupid obligations kicked in. BUT THEN. The first week of the second year of law school happened, and I was very confused, confused and scared and stressed out and lost, and because I am very experienced in the art of escapism, I hid myself away in my secret project, which will be unveiled veryyyy soon. Watch this space!!
Which explains the lack of writing for the past three days.
- Probably Lesbian hasn't had the opportunity to sit near or next to me so far, and therefore hasn't been staring at me much. However this morning I walked past her and she gave me the Once Over, the kind of scrutiny which starts from hair, runs through jewellery, top, bottoms etc and ends with the shoes. I ignored her. She showed up to school on the first day with too much makeup on, blue eyeshadow and so much blusher that her cheeks looked pained. I guess she spent the summer perfecting the art of bring tacky. I saw her last term with her glittery eyeshadowed eyes and complimented her on them, and then I found out that she woke up at 4AM to "get ready" for school. I knew then that she'd sold her soul to vanity.
- Best Fwen is still a skank. BWTMIF has a friend who studies photography, and she brought that friend along to school on the first day. Unsurprisingly, when I asked for her opinion, she said, "I WILL NEVER PHOTOGRAPH HER." Why does she think she's pretty just because she's thin anyway? I feel quite sorry for her boyfriend(?) because if thin goes out of fashion, she pretty much has nothing left to offer him. Except her big mouth, I guess? God I have become so bitchy by just breathing in the presence of law students around me.
- Lectures still occasionally confuse and depress me.
Neptune and I were chilling downtown yesterday when we bumped (quite literally) into two idiots. I do not know where all the educated, well-mannered Singaporeans went, but I can tell you that they were not in town that day. Hopefully they did not all die while Neptune and I were abroad.
Stupid Shit #1 came along while I was right outside a store pointing out to Neptune some cute keychains in a glass display case. So, while I was pointing, this lady in a red top apparently found it appropriate to squeeze her way past in between the glass case and myself, allowing my still pointing forefinger to draw a horizontal line across her chest. It helped that she didn't have much of one. After the very unglamorous passage, she then turned back to stare at me, and then complained to her friend in Mandarin, "EHHHH! Her haaaaaand~!"
Oh yes, I do have a hand. And really, that is what you get when you expect people to move away for you. A more effective method I'd suggest is living in a trash can and keeping sweaty pet flies. I imagine then that people would move away automatically.
Stupid Shit #2 (hereafter SS2 for short) went crazy on me while Neptune and I were waiting to be seated at a cinema. We were minding our own business, checking to see if the price tags were removed from a gift for our friend, when suddenly, a middle-aged Chinese woman donning black yelled, "AY! YOU HIT ME TWICE!" And I was all, "OMG I did?" And SS2 replied before I could apologize, "YOU HIT ME TWICE YOU CANNOT FEEL AH? YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD YOU KNOW?!?" which sounded strange because 'flesh and blood' usually refers to children, e.g. 'How could a mother be so cruel to her own flesh and blood?' I tried to reason with SS2 despite the evident lack of education on her part: "But I honestly wasn't aware of it." She continued yelling, "TWICE YOU KNOW? FIRST TIME I FORGIVE YOU, BUT SECOND TIME SOME MORE! YOU DON'T SAY YOU NEVER FEEL! YOU DON'T TALK ROT!"
After that I got angry and raised my voice at her. "Like I said, I didn't know that I hit you. I'm sorry if I hit you TWICE, but if you're having a bad day, don't take it out on me." SS2 continued screeching, "WANT TO APOLOGISE THEN BE MORE GENUINE! YOU DON'T APOLOGIZE LIKE THAT" BLAH BLAH BLAH -- I can't remember the rest of her inane tirade, but essentially I stopped paying attention to her and started pulling out my metaphorical pink fluffy chainsaw. Neptune was watching the exchange all this while, but at this point she lost it and told SS2, "Fuck you, bitch." and walked off.
SS2 and I were both shocked, her mainly because she's an outdated specimen who believes that it is okay to be extremely rude but not okay to use vulgarities, and me because I have spent almost every waking moment in the past year and a half with Neptune, and let me tell you that she is not one to participate in any kind of confrontation whatsoever. She is the kind of person who would rather pull me away and apologise to SS2 on my behalf, who will keep giving in to others for their benefit as long as she can avoid any kind of conflict.
I know this because it is an issue in our relationship, when I get angry and want to fight and she is all, "I'm sorry. It is all my fault!" and I am like, WOMAN, ARGUE WITH ME. And she is all, "Darling... I am so so sorry. Please forgive me!" And then I bang my head against the wall repeatedly. So when Neptune swore at SS2, I knew she was extremely upset. EXTREMELY upset.
Neptune walked off, and SS2 got up from her seat and went after Neptune, yelling, "WHY YOU SCOLD ME BAD WORD! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE YOU SCOLDING BAD WORD?" I don't know, woman, what did we do to deserve your warped interpretation of grammatical rules? In any case, when I saw her targeting Neptune, I could hear something inside me snapping and I knew then that I'd lost it, that I would do anything to get her off Neptune's back. You can mess with me and maybe live to die another day, because maybe I'm not in the mood for revenge, or maybe I'm feeling vindictive that day and would rather plan a horrible fate for your loved ones instead. But mess with Neptune? And you die. YOU DIE SO BAD.
I knew I had to do something to stop everything right there, so I placed myself in between SS2 (who was, by then, making a spectacle of herself yelling and scolding) and Neptune, and I put my palm to SS2's face. "Stop. Enough." I was about to turn away when she continued her rant. Does this woman not know shame? I would never speak in public if my command of English were so embarrassingly pathetic. I put my palm to her face again and repeated, "Stop. Really. Enough." and then, "I don't talk to stupid people." I glared at her; she gave up and returned to her seat, while I caught up with Neptune and calmed her down.
Nothing more patriotic than getting into a fight with a fellow Singaporean on National Day!
***
Neptune and I watched The Dark Knight, the new film about Batman, and it sucked ass. I don't know why everyone thinks it's awesome. The plot was predictable, the acting was creepily excellent, but the content? Wayyy too traumatizing on so many different levels. I couldn't wait for the movie to end, and when it did, I felt nothing but relief that I didn't have to sit through any more of it. I don't know why Singapore bans films depicting homosexual love and then lets movies get away with lots of violence and cruelty. How paradoxical.
Speaking of which, Neptune and I discovered a new artiste! How it happened was, the radio DJ announced the song which was #2 on the charts, but Neptune never got to hear the song, and we both suspect that it was never played because quel surprise, Singapore happened. Singapore cannot censor YouTube, however, and therefore I present you: KATY PERRY with the catchy I Kissed A Girl and the hilarious Ur So Gay!
I am aware that some gay rights or whatever groups are getting all riled up about it, apparently because the songs are accused of being homophobic? I don't know how a song sang by a girl about kissing a girl can be homophobic, but whatever. And as for the other song, come on people! This is 2008. Mankind is supposed to be evolved enough to comprehend that when we use 'gay' as an insult, it doesn't have any relation to homosexuality whatsoever. Kind of like when we say, "Gosh, you are so retarded. Get a life!" It doesn't mean that you're mentally challenged or that you're dead.
And all I have to say about Singapore banning Katy Perry is... Singapore? UR SO GAY. But really, it's not like it's even surprising anymore. It's just embarrassing when I tell people abroad that I'm from Singapore and they're all, oh, that country that banned Mass Effect because the video game had a lesbian scene that was mostly implied? And I reply sheepishly, yes, I am from THAT country. After a while I lie instead that I'm from the state of Washington and the lovely city of Bellevue, and they're all, how is it there? Do you like it? And I reply honestly: Yes, yes I love it very much.
This is so unpatriotic, especially since National Day is day after tomorrow, but WHAT THE HEY. A girl needs to rant.
1. Shopping and Shipping
I have been shopping online for the past 48 hours and BY GOD, please, people, Singapore is not some remote island without electricity and water supply. We process our own pee and PAY TO DRINK IT for chrissakes. I live in Singapore, I have money, and I want to spend it. WHY DO YOU NOT HAVE A SHIPPING OPTION FOR SINGAPORE. I imagine that this is what it would be like to shop online in Hawaii or something, what with everyone going "SHIPPING TO CONTINENTAL/MAINLAND U.S. ONLY". It's blatant island discrimination!
2. Weather
When we arrived in Singapore, the moment Neptune and I stepped outside the plane, both of us were like, "SOOOOO HOTTTTT!" and then we stepped inside the airport and went, "SOOOO COLDDDD!" I think this pretty much sums up Singapore. It's either too hot outside or too cold (because of the airconditioning), and so humid when it's hot that it gets sticky. I tell foreigners that it's always summer here and they mostly react with envy, but people, DO NOT BE FOOLED. Summer here is sticky sweat and little flying insects. It was so much better in Washington where the average was a nice 65 degF (around 18 degC).
3. Rude People
WHY ARE CHINESE PEOPLE SO RUDE. I know, this is so racist, so luckily I'm Chinese by ethnicity too, and therefore I'm allowed to point out that the Chinese in America (those I've met) are not as polite as the white people in America, and that Singaporeans in general should learn some manners.
For example, take the Generic Cashier at the Generic Mall:
America: "Hi! How're you doing? Can I help you with anything? (Minutes later...) Is everything going alright~? Let me know if you need any help! (Insert optional but commonplace small talk about the weather and the city.) Alright, this will be... X dollars! (After purchase...) Would you like your receipt with you or in the bag? Okay looks like we're all set! Thank you very much~! Have a good evening! Byebye!"
Singapore: "Hi can I help you. Ok X dollars total. (After purchase...) Thanksbye."
Of course, this is based on a hell lot of shopping, mostly along the west coast of America. And it must be said that upscale restaurants in Singapore do have much better service, though it is hardly as personalized, friendly or helpful as the common American foodie place.
Just this afternoon I had the unpleasant chore of ordering food at a fast food restaurant -- usually Neptune wears the Order Food Pants in our relationship -- and the moment I heard the cashier speak, it was all I could do to stop myself from going on a tirade about the bad service. The cashier dude mumbled what I think was, "NextcustomercanItakeyourorder". What could I want?? Let's see... HOW ABOUT A SERVING OF SERVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO CARES.
Also, just the other day Neptune ordered a glass of grape juice. Unsurprisingly, the waitress came by with the glass and, walking past our table without stopping to look even once at either of us, said, "GRAAP.", set the glass down on our table, and continued her stride down the aisle. She was so good at ignoring us that passing us our GRAAP juice did not slow her down one bit. Needless to say, the rest of the GRAAP juice was accompanied by much bitching about how great the GRAAP juice tasted and how nice it would be to hit the GRAAP girl really hard.
I want to take over Singapore so I can get rid of all the rude Singaporeans working in the service sector and replace them with Americans to show them HOW IT SHOULD BE DONE. I'd also get rid of all service charges (which currently pay lazy asses despite their lousy service) and replace it with the American tipping system. HATE YOU, RUDE SINGAPOREANS!
Don't you hate it when a close friend gets attached and suddenly you're not that important anymore? I call that dropping a rung on an imaginary ladder of importance. It's like a stranger just comes in and steps on top of you, gaining 846235314 rungs all of a sudden and dropping you a rung (or perhaps more). Of course I'm innocent and have never dropped anyone's rungs before because of a new relationship. What I do is, I squeeze the newcomer into the #1 spot with someone else so no one drops a rung. Nifty! So I wrote a song for all those out there who've ever felt the pain of being rung-dropped!
It is currently tuneless, but if you write a tune for it I will attempt to record myself singing it and, depending on how many windows I shatter, I might upload it. Or you could save us all and do the singing instead. The song is called Rung Droppings, and it goes:
I'm not important anymore Have you forgotten me What happened to the days before Ex-BFFs are we
That person's all you talk about (S)he's not even that hot If (s)he turns out to be a lout I hope you follow not
OHHHHH~ It's a sad day for friendship! OHHHHH~ You're acting like a dipshit! Don't drop me a rung Or you're a piece of dung
I hope you rot in hell forever with your significant otherrrrrrr! No I'm kidding- I'm not ridding Myself of a friend like youuuuu~ My platonic love for you is trueeee!
Rung droppings~ Tastes like a pizza without toppings~
OHHHHH~ It's a sad day for friendship! OHHHHH~ I'm acting like a dipshit! I knew I'd drop a rung You're still a piece of dung
But it's totally okaaaaay, 'cause I wrote this song and heyyyyy... I feel so much better now yay.
Rung droppings~ Tastes like a pizza without toppings~ (Repeat and fade out)
(P.S. Ahem, Dudette, this was partially inspired by you. I love you!)
[Addendum: People! Please, this is not about YOU, do not take this personally. This is just who I am, a bored person who likes to rhyme, and this is the sort of nonsense I subject myself to on a daily basis because it fills me with the happy.]
OMG new masthead up almost on time! This must be a new low for even this blog, this celebration of not-so-lateness.
I've been staying over at Neptune's place for the past week, and if you are about to ask me if I did so despite already having lived with Neptune for 2.5 months, despite having to clean duckie poop and wash two-week-old dishes and take out megaubersized trash bags over the 2.5 months, yes I have gotten that question many times and the answer is: Neptune and I feed off each other's co-dependence and neediness. As for the root of that deep-seated psychological handicap, let us not question further lest we venture into annoyingly philosophical (and therefore unanswerable) inquiries. Just take it that I need to breathe the air that Neptune exhales, otherwise I will asphyxiate and die. And vice versa.
Speaking of trash: One evening after school, Neptune and I were waiting for a bus, just chilling out and minding our own business when SUDDENLY, a manly black woman tried to stuff a bottle into a very full garbage bin and a cup fell out from the other opening. I tried not to laugh, and forced myself to look away so I wouldn't be tempted to laugh. She stared at the trash bin in indignation and then all of a sudden yelled, "CLEAR THE GARBAGE!" I was confused, because I didn't see anyone attired around, didn't see anyone who looked like the garbage people.
"AWW, LOOK AT THIS!" She continued ranting to her imaginary friend. "WOULD YOU PLEASE CLEAR THE GARBAGE. SOMEONE CLEAR THE GARBAGE!"
She paused and continued staring at the very full bin.
"I don't have a big truck!"
Nobody replied her. People were trying to stare at her surreptitiously.
"Oh, screw this." She then left the premises. When it was safe to make inappropriate comments, Neptune turned to me and said, "What does she expect me to do? I don't have a big truck either!"
It's raining noodles! Hallelujah! And the noodles shall inherit the earth!
If you know me, pretend you don't. If you don't know me, don't pretend you do.
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