Happy Chinese New Year/Lunar New Year (CNY), to those of you who find meaning and significance in this event! I certainly do; this was a much-needed break from law school.
On a related note: I miss Christmas already, I miss the cookies and the sparkles and the presents and Neptune's Christmas tree which was sooooo shiny and pretty. I've never had a tree before... I wish I had a Christmas tree like that one, and I would hang gold and pink ornaments and cut out gold and silver snowflakes out of colored paper and sprinkle glitter all over and OMG, the best part is the star. I want a big star with rhinestones on it, with a glamorous mix of white and yellow gold, and I want it to have a face. It must smile like so -- though when I type it out in ascii characters, you have to tilt your head to the left to read it... so I also forwent all dignity and drew it:
It must also have pink cheeks and glow brightly. It will have uneven limbs and all the other stars will tease and bully my star, and it will be my cute little misunderstood outcast star that is too special to fit in with the rest of the star society.
Why is it still January!?!?!? Sometimes I suspect that I'm being trapped unawares in a perpetual vortex where time keeps still while the workload continuously spins out of control. Thank god it's only 99 days to summer. 99 days of psychological torment and scarring, and then I'll be flying off to a place of sunshine and shopping and no rude Singaporeans. Hopefully I don't do something stupid and meaningful again this summer like put myself through additional classes, which I did last summer. Don't get me wrong, it was the most enriching experience ever and I would totally be stupid and do it all over again. Just not this summer; I'm way too drained for that due to a multitude of reasons.
Today also marks the end of my month-long mourning in remembrance of Mochi, who passed away on Christmas morning. During the past month, I've been clad in black every single day, except on the first day of school (I always wear pink) and the day Obama was inaugurated as our 44th President (I was in red white and blue). I miss Mochi. The evenings have been painfully quiet without her random squeaking, and every time it gets cold at night, I worry about Maki because she doesn't have Mochi around anymore to snuggle with. :(
At least Maki's doing well; she celebrated CNY by feasting on the huge stockpile of food that she'd hidden in one corner of the cage, underneath a hill of bedding. I'd actually gone to her cage at 11.59 on the eve of CNY to wish her happy CNY, but I found her deep in slumber. And then at 00:00, at the stroke of midnight, I went to look at her again and she was stuffing her face with all sorts of seeds and vegetables. Damn does that hamster know how to throw a one-rodent partay!
As for my family, we aren't very traditional, and I have to take partial blame for that. The Chinese have many customs during CNY, one of which involves kids holding out two oranges and offering 4-worded auspicious sayings to the elders, and at midnight when my mother grumbled about having unfilial/disobedient children, I looked at the clock and was like, oh crap I nearly forgot about CNY! And then I went to look at Maki. And then I went to my parents with two oranges in my hands and wished them all sorts of good things in Chinese, like health, longevity, wealth and happiness.
We then proceeded to drink red wine and eat sushi and pistachios.
Because my mom asked me if I wanted to have some red wine, and I realized that my parents wanted to drink, so I had two sips and left the rest of the bottle to them. My mom then opened a pack of tuna and prawn sushi (?????) and my dad produced, out of nowhere, a packet of pistachios (?????) which we then proceeded to consume together, the red wine and the sushi and the pistachios. My brother, however, is the one least bound by tradition of any sort, and he refused to partake in that supper because he was busy playing a computer game called DotA.
The only part I really appreciate about CNY is that my parents are obligated to give my brother and I red packets (with money in them). Though one year, my dad gave me a hundred-dollar note in Venezuelan bolívar fuerte; if you are unfamiliar with the currency, that amount is roughly equal to 0.05 American cents. AFTER YOU ROUND UP. Of course he later replaced it with a decent note in the Singaporean currency. This year, my mom asked him to give my brother and I red packets, and he asked me, "What red packet?" And I was like, "Things with money in them. You give it to us every year." And he replied, "REALLY??? Oh! ...Must I?"
Oh well, I hope I get more than 0.05 cents this year. Hopefully I'll get one cent, and then I can invest it and make it grow to maybe a dollar.
4.39 PM. I decide that all teddy bears are fat unless they are not teddy bears, and Neptune bites the bait and allows herself to be pulled into a verbal argument about whether being skinny disqualifies a teddy bear from being a teddy bear. I proceed to research (on Google) the relationship between teddies and chubbiness, and I paste the entire poem written by Alan Alexander Milne, creator of Winnie-the-Pooh. Because I realized that it was impossible to argue on such a ridiculous point of contention, and decided instead to batter Neptune into agreeing with me by way of copious amounts of poetry about a fat teddy bear:
Neptune then replies, "Poetry is not proof!" And I replied, "IT IS A SONG." And of course she was right, until I gave the poem an arbitrary melody anyway, and sang two verses, which then made it a song (and therefore I became right).
4.42 PM. I realize that Neptune had stopped listening to my melodic rendition of A. A. Milne's poem after the first line. I then decide to sing the third verse anyway.
4.53 PM. I suddenly suspect that Milne might claw his way out of the ground to wring my neck for mangling his poem. I then proceed to pick out random items from Tiffany & Co. that are on my wishlist, and will likely be too expensive to afford until I decide that I have outgrown Tiffany. It's always like that, the moment I stop wanting something, it goes on sale or is incredibly affordable and then I have to go buy it.
Notice that Neptune did not get my hint about the Tiffany. She simply replied over video chat, "Still shopping, huh."
5.04 PM. Neptune uses our chat window as a notepad for her programming work. I am too busy shopping to notice.
5.05 PM. Neptune apologizes for using our chat window as a sticky note. I have no idea what she's referring to because the shopping is taking up my entire computer screen.
5.06 PM. I say, "It's alright!" and compliment Tiffany.com for its amazing marketing, packaging and web layout. Neptune says, "Oh." I suspect that she was not listening. I realize that my hints are not sufficiently attention-grabbing, and that I feel sleepy.
***
That's most of what I can remember.
I was reading our chat logs and realized that this one was a perfect example of the background noise in our relationship that we hardly hear anymore, and a perfect example of the input Neptune and I are individually responsible for contributing to us. I didn't even realize that I provided so much inanity, and frankly Neptune must be a little crazy herself to accept this comforting norm in the time we spend together.
But I find it so amazing that I have found someone who is willing to refute my thesis about teddy bears being characteristically, intrinsically fat... Because this is so important to me, that she accepts everything about me, including the (lots and lots and lots of) Crazy Craziness that goes on in my head everyday... And because I said that all teddy bears are fat, and she fights for the rights of the millions of thin, marginalized teddy bears out there... Because she realizes how important that is to us.
Tiny Update! It seems like law school has not killed me yet.
It's crazy how quickly time passes once law school kicks in. This semester I have no classes on Friday, which means that now Fridays will become the busiest day of my week. Because some lecturer will decide that it is their aim in life to stop me from doing nothing, and instead fill my Fridays up with work. LAW SCHOOL LIES.
It has also been affecting me with very strange dreams of late; the other night I dreamt that I was visiting Neptune's family, and once indoors I spotted some purple flowers on a flight of stairs. Suddenly Neptune's father stepped on them on his way up, and I remember thinking to myself, "I wanted crushed flowers, but I didn't want them crushed this way!" and I wept. I really have no valid excuse to redeem myself, but all I can say is, in real life? I am much more disciplined in resisting bad puns. Like pundit, an expert at puns? Get it? No? Oh...
And then Neptune's sister entered the room with bright red hair clip-ons and made Neptune try them on, only it kept sticking to her face because of all the static. Neptune's aunt giggled to herself and swept the hairs off her face, exclaiming, "I can't wear it on my hair because it keeps going to my face!" and Neptune's sister (who was in a classy black dress and Dior shoes, by the way) replied, "That's because they're old; Grandma used to wear them and now she's 80!"
I know you guys know this already, but daaaamn, my head is the most messed up place in the history of the universe. Stephen King is a good contender, but my opinion may have something to do with the fact that I am a wuss. The other night I went out into the living room to check on Maki; it was completely dark and I kept reminding myself that there was nothing to be afraid of, because hamsters and psychotic spirits do not appear in the same room except in a comedy. You know, it's just not conventional for the genre to include a hamster in a horror scene. But then my mind started reeling with images of blood and gore and Maki's horrified hamstery nose twitching in unadulterated fear, her eyes dark and gleaming in horror... Then I yelled an apology to Maki and RAAAAN! back towards the glorious light that beckoned from my room.
On to happier news, conversations with my dad:
"We gave your books to your cousins." "All of them?" "Yah, especially the very good ones, by, Annie- Annit what?" "Enid Blyton?" "Oh that's the name! Enit Brighter."
And one evening, when he was sitting on a massage chair with Maki cupped in his hands:
"Daddy, what are you doing?" "I'm watching TV with Maki." "......."
But yeah she did! Have you had people plagiarize you before? Apparently people don't mind sounding crazy and dysfunctional because they actually steal stuff off my blog and pass it off as theirs, but WAIT! Get this: This one chick? SHE AND I KNOW EACH OTHER. How messed up is that? I'd totally get it if you'd wanna steal some mysterious, enigmatic stranger's bit of wisdom and claim it as your own, but man, there has to be some sort of world record to acknowledge the level of shamelessness that one needs to possess in order to plagiarize, on your blog, an acquaintance who READS THAT BLOG.
Here we go, screenshot (click for big):
Quoting 'her': "In the night the boyfriend and I hung out together and did all the normal things couple do, had all the insignificant conversations, watched a movie that we'd probably forget in a month and cooked an ordinary dinner. but it was awesome. it was awesome because it was so unremarkable and I could almost forget that we would be apart for another year."
So I was reading this part of her blog, dated December 22, 2008, and I was like, daaaamn, I'm impressed, this chick can write! This totally sounds like something I would dream of writing about Neptune! Oh wait...
"Today Neptune and I hung out together and did all the normal things couples do, had all the tiny little insignificant conversations and watched a movie we'd probably forget in a year, shopped for stuff we liked but didn't need and shared a fabulously ordinary meal. But it was wonderful precisely because it was so unremarkable, and I could almost forget that I only get to see her every three months."
So, yeah. She worked the copy and paste functions, added bad grammar/punctuation and decided to pretend that it was a coincidence.
Plagiarizer, if you are reading this, I'm sure the above was just a coincidence! Which means that you don't read this blog anyways so I can't be talking about you, right? Right. My dear, in elementary school we were taught to paraphrase sentences for variety and, in your case, to mask plagiarism. You may wish to consider revisiting elementary school. Also, I have nothing personal against you; in fact I used to think that you were attractive and smart, and despite you not being the ideal girlfriend material personality-wise IMHO, I did not say a single bad thing about you to my best friend when you were dating him, simply because I knew that it was the fair thing to do.
But now I think you're just... kind of lame. If you can't find the words, it's totally okay if you quote and credit me, but plagiarizing? Educational institutions expel students for that sort of dishonesty, and you, as a blogger, one who no doubt comprehends and appreciates the power of words and the magic that one can conjure through the meticulous crafting of each individual word, I would think that you, of all people, should be one of the last to insult the art of writing and defile the very pursuit of creative expression that we bloggers embody.
Frankly, I'm... disappointed.
Anyway. I haven't been blogging lately mainly because I've been trying to deal with a few personal issues, and this is on top of the millions of ways in which I am a thoroughly dysfunctional human being. I'm pretty sure life hates me, because Neptune had to leave for the United States again and we won't be seeing each other for the next five months. And then law school decided to kick in once again tomorrow, which I am obviously not ready for because I still have yet to try out a couple billion different ways to waste time, and also? Just the other day someone stole my cab.
For those of you who aren't familiar with how cab stealing occurs, congratulations! You live in a gracious society. DO NOT COME TO SINGAPORE. It goes like this: You hail a cab by sticking your arm out, usually while standing by the main road. And if you are in Singapore, especially when taxis are nowhere to be found, a douchebag (known hereafter as Dumbass Cab Stealer) will inadvertently appear and walk further up the road (in the direction opposing the flow of traffic) where he will then grab the cab that was supposed to be yours, leaving you to wait another half an hour and risk yet another douche appearing.
Apparently getting my cab wasn't enough for the abovementioned Dumbass Cab Stealer that day; he waited till he passed me by in the taxi, and then proceeded to wave both arms at me enthusiastically, demonstrating every bit of the triumph he so relished from successfully stealing my cab. I can only conclude that he must have had a very deprived childhood. They say man sprang from apes; apparently this one didn't spring that far. He sure likes waving, eh? I hope he fractures both arms and then develops a persistent itch on his back. *demure smile*
Though, believe me when I say that it's not very wise to offend people. Karma's a mega bitch, and the last time someone gravely offended me with a rude blog entry, that person was shamed on an international scale for that very same blog; I didn't even have to actively or indirectly orchestrate that. My lecturer was absolutely right when she said that you have to be careful about what you write online, and because payback is such a bitch, I will no doubt fracture two or three appendages for wishing it on someone else. But you know what? Sometimes my pride is worth it. :)
On a happier note, I love my in-laws, especially Neptune's sister and Neptune's sister's husband, which makes him Neptune's brother-in-law, which makes him my brother-in-in-law? (Oh-so-creative, I know.) Neptune has such an outstanding sister, and she picked an equally impressive man. When I'm around them, my universe expands because they know and have experienced so much more; it's like Google, but without my lousy internet connection. They are incredible people, and I love them so much.
It's such an improbable throw of the dice, really. I don't hug trees, donate thousands to the needy, or warm homeless puppies at night; what I did right in my life to deserve this unlikely stroke of luck, to be able to meet Neptune and her family, I shall never know. But there is not one day in my life that I do not give thanks for Neptune and her amazing family. Never mind Dior, Cartier and Manolo Blahnik; I have more than I could ever dream of having, simply because I have found Neptune.
I hate having to make a conscious effort to write '2009' when dating things. Someone should invent an auto-dating stamp so I can mindlessly date things without worrying about the year. Because... Because I deserve the right to reserve my brain power for more useful things!
It's been an incredibly busy time for me, as evidenced by the lack of blogging; I've been spending most of the past three weeks sewing my hip to Neptune's, and this morning when she had to leave for America again we had to rip out the stitches and it hurt like a bitch. I am, however, pleased to report that through a combination of biting my lip and exercising sheer willpower, I managed not to cry at the airport, and so avoided raising suspicion in the In-Laws. Of course the moment they left, I bawled on the train back home and Singaporeans, being inherently rude, stared as I hugged a huge pink plush dolphin and cried. If only that were America... In the town where Neptune and I lived, them Americans would never let me sob alone in public like that. And even if they did, they would have the decency not to stare.
Neptune and I spent Christmas eve at a bar with a few of her friends. I'd been angry with her the entire evening for reasons I cannot remember or comprehend, and later at night I reflected logically on my bad behavior and decided to instead start drinking and have a good time. Someone decided that it would be a good idea to place a hugeass bottle of vodka on the table, and it didn't really occur to me that 40% alcohol by volume was a huge deal, which led to me being incredibly happily drunk before midnight.
Someone took my glass away and apparently I said, I WILL SUE YOU! For a loss of chance to kill my liver on my own terms? We shall never know. Neptune later recounted that someone (else?) said s/he would sue me (if I drank any more), and I replied immediately, I WILL COUNTER-SUE YOU! See how law school is making me crazy in my head? I also told the cab driver, when he asked for directions, to drive to the toilet because I'd needed to pee.
On Christmas morning Mochi passed away, and in reaction to the stress, I went ahead and called up my local Tiffany & Co. to have some items placed on hold. I know that this is a very dysfunctional way to deal with stress, but I decided that it was a sensible way of releasing the inner tension while allowing for some serious guilt-free shopping, and if you can buy that kind of happiness with money, there is really nothing much more I can ask from my dollar.
I phoned Tiffany & Co., verified the prices of some items and decided to purchase some jewelry from the Singapore Changi Airport, where my purchase would be tax-free. So I was speaking with this very nice lady on the phone, right? And I had her place $1.5k worth of stuff on hold, did everything right, asked about the polishing services and return policy and sizes/lengths etc. She then asked me if I was departing on a flight later from the airport terminal, and I was all, whoa lady, are you seriously wanting to make conversation with me over the phone? Because my phone bill is, uhh... Anyways I told her I wasn't, and that the only reason I wanted to make a purchase at the airport rather than downtown was because making a purchase downtown would have cost me 150% of the usual price: They seriously mark up prices like crazy downtown, those pompous asses!
The lady on the phone sounded confused and asked me if I worked at the airport, and I was thinking whoa, lady, this is a weird time to network, no, srsly. I answered no, and then she asked me, "So... How are you going to get into the departure lounge?" Which is beyond the checkpoint where you have to show them security guys your fight ticket and passport. Because yeah, some jackass decided to place the Tiffany & Co. with low tax-free prices in the airport IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE, taunting the rest of us who are stuck outside because we don't work at the airport or have a plane ticket. The rest of us, who are forced to either purchase in the U.S. or pay 465 USD downtown for an item usually priced at 300 USD. Well, all I can say is that my money is going to America, and when the Singaporean economy collapses because I have stopped spending in it? Don't say I didn't warn you biatches!
On a related note: Apparently the Singapore government decided that Singapore is in recession, which really confuses me because the malls here are incredibly packed. I clearly did not get the recession memo, along with the thousands of Singaporeans who squeezed themselves downtown during the Christmas season. Them Americans know the meaning of recession, and if you go to the malls there, chances are you'll find it empty and haunted and full of cob-webs and dust.
On New Year's Eve, Neptune's sister and her husband (Neptune's brother-in-law) hosted a party at a gorgeous hotel suite which had an amazing view of the city. At 00:00, January 1, 2009, Neptune and I squeezed each other's hands while we watched the fireworks from the balcony on the 64th floor, and I remember thinking that I did not want it any other way. I remember in that moment of immense clarity, for me, it was just Neptune and me and the beautiful fireworks, and then me holding my breath willing the moment to last forever. We spent the night at our own hotel room and had a bubble bath at 6AM. I woke up on New Year's Day next to Neptune, smiled to myself, and told her that I was happy, because there could be no better start to a new year than waking up next to the person you love the most.
It's raining noodles! Hallelujah! And the noodles shall inherit the earth!
If you know me, pretend you don't. If you don't know me, don't pretend you do.
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